One thing that I have always told myself is “I don’t need him!” Ever since I could remember , he was never there for me. I mean, there were occasions when I would see him but even then I still felt like a nobody. He never called me on my birthday, he never sent me anything for Christmas. His new life pretty much made him forget that I existed. There were times when I would watch movies or television shows that portrayed role models of what he could’ve been, but he just didn’t want that. I use to cry and ask myself ” why won’t he love me?” and “what did I ever do to him for him to treat me this way?” but not one of my questions have been answered. Maybe he felt like he didn’t have to try. Maybe “she” held him back from me. I am not sure but emotions has ran high. I am no longer sure if I love him. Do I prefer to hate him? Mixed feelings is what I call it. I reached out a few times but no hand extended back. My kids will never know him and that’s the sad part. Not because he is dead but because he rather keeps his life “normal”. Does he know that I am his life as well? I guess not! Many times I thought to myself, what if he needs a kidney and you’re the only match? Will you help him? Is he worth the help? I know this might sound crazy but I would. Even though he chose to remove me from his life, I still love him. Hopefully one day he realize the one he chose to forget. Not sure if I will welcome him with open arms but hearing him say sorry would be a start. No matter what, he is still my dad.