PSA to my Queens

In this world today, a lot of us women act and carry ourselves as if we do not hold value. I’m here today to tell you that we are more valuable than you think. Most times we sit still and let men depreciate us because of our hair, weight, skin tone, body type, appearance, and attitude but that is because we don’t often value ourselves. How can we teach our little princesses to grow up to be queens if we don’t look at ourselves as queens? It is okay to speak your mind and know what you want. You do not have to settle for less because you want love. You don’t have to follow a man or go out looking for a man because you hold favor. Whomever God set in place for you to live happily ever after with, they will value you because of that favor. Have you ever stopped to think that men would not be who they are without women? We are the reason for their existence. Yes, there are many things that men can do to add to your life or the life of others such as sperm to help create a child, but it is us who carry the children, it is us who has to give birth to the child, heal from that birth, nurture the child, then return back to our careers while still nursing. Do you know how strong you are from that alone? Don’t let men call you out of your name because you choose to express yourself through what you wear or how you fix your hair. It’s the way that you carry yourself that makes you a queen. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and placing the blame on others. It’s time for you to take accountability for your actions and/or wrong doings. Let’s stop competing with one another and help bring our princesses up together as the queens we are meant to be.

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Handing It Over!

Lately, my mind has been running a millions miles per hours. I try my best to juggle being a mom, work my full-time job, go to school full-time, and manage my blog but sometimes everything can be very overwhelming. While blogging can be very therapeutic for me, I sometimes find myself stressing because I want to make sure that I give my reader’s my entire best. I get writers block majority of the time and I worry about if what I post gets too emotional but at the end of the day, this is what keeps me authentic. I do not know how to do anything but be myself and stay honest. There has been a few times when I thought about closing down my blog. I felt like no one cared about what I might have to say but I heard God say “there is someone out there who needs you.” I blog because I know that through whatever I write about, I can brighten someone’s day. I blog because I am an inspiration and someone needs my words of advice and encouragement. I blog because it helps me to feel better. I trust that God will continue to order my foot steps and guide me into my purpose. From this night forward, I give everything to God. My daughter’s are no longer mine, my career is no longer mine, my blog is no longer mine, my gift, my body, and my heart are no longer mine. It is the Lords! Learning to hand it all over does not mean giving it all up, it only means giving control so that it can work out for the better. I urge you to hand it over!

10 Journal Questions for Self-love!

1. What do I believe I deserve in life? Why?

I believe that I deserve loyalty. Loyalty is one of my many characteristics that I feel really out shines the rest. I feel as if I deserve to get back what I give out and I expect nothing but loyal people in my life.

2. What does trust mean to me? How can I learn to trust more?

Trust to me means being able to confide in someone without a doubt in my mind that they will betray me. I can learn to trust more by praying as often as possible. Everything for me begins and ends with prayer, and having faith that my trust will never be broken.

3. There is a quote from Jack Kornfield that says, ” Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” What do you need to let go of in your life? How do you think you will feel once you let it go?

I need to let go of negative thoughts and negative energy. I let a lot of people and their perceptions of me overpower how I feel and it results in the change of my mood. I believe that if I let go of the negativity and focus only on what I find to be positive in my life, I will feel invincible.

4. The Dalai Lama once said, ” Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” When was the last time you didn’t get something you wanted, but it worked out for the better?

This question was a bit difficult but I was able to come up with my answer lol. Something that wanted and didn’t get, but worked out better for me was my ex. Have you ever wanted to be with someone so bad, that you were willing to do whatever it took just so you wouldn’t lose them? That was me! I  focused so much on trying to please my ex and make him happy that I forgot about my own happiness. I didn’t take the time out to love myself more than the love I was giving him. He cheated on me, lied to me, and hurt me to the core, yet I still wanted nothing more than to be with him. When I learned that he did more harm than good, I snapped out of it. My life became stress-free, my skin started glowing, and my vision became clear. Leaving him alone WORKED OUT FOR THE BETTER SIS!

5. Make a list of 10 things you do to relax. How can you incorporate these things into the week ahead of you?

  1. Pray
  2. Hug my daughters
  3. Listen to music
  4. Take naps
  5. Talk to my friends
  6. Cook/eat
  7. Work on my blog
  8. Watch movies
  9. Take a drive
  10. Sit still

I will try my best to incorporate these things into the week ahead by not thinking and just doing it. My goal for the rest of this year is to be stress-free. I can no longer worry about the things that I cannot control. I’m turning all of my problems and concerns into the hands of God.

6. What is your favorite song? Why do you like it? How does the song make you feel? What do you think about when you listen to it?

I actually have two favorite songs. “Indescribable” by Kierra Sheard and “For Your Glory” by Tasha Cobbs-Leonard. I like these songs because they speak what my heart sometimes find hard to say. Both songs help me feel closer to God and is deeper than I can explain. When I listen to both songs I think about being in the presence of the Lord, changing the way that I live my life and giving myself solely to God.

7. “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson If you knew this statement were true, what would you do differently in your life? What if you could do these things every day?

I would mind my own business, focus more on what I want to do as a career, and be more consistent. If I could do these things everyday, my life will definitely turn out to be what it is destined to be.

8. What does love mean to you? How do you show these emotions and actions to yourself?

Love to me means no matter what I go through, no matter how bad I may look or feel, and no matter what I do, I can always count on someone to support and be there for me unconditionally. To be honest, lately I do not feel like I have been showing this kind of love towards myself. I let the opinions of others hinder my thoughts about myself which is something that I need to change. I want to be able to love myself to the point of where I can care less about how people feel about me, how people hurt me and be able to move on from distractions.

9. In what areas of your life do you show a lot of faith? Why does faith come easily to you in these circumstances?

I think that when it comes to my daughter’s and knowing that they will always want for nothing is where I show my faith. Faith comes easily to me in these circumstances because it has been prophesied to me many different times, on many different occasions, by many different people.

10. What would your daily habits look like if you chose to live life with an open heart?

If I chose to live life with an open heart my daily habits would be extremely different. I would be unbothered by others, the weight that I feel on my shoulders everyday would be lighter, and I would be extremely satisfied with everything around me. I would work harder towards living my dreams and start the business that I am meant to be in.

 

Welcoming Change

Today, I choose to welcome change. I have been battling with myself most recently because I am kind of happy with the old me. One thing that I am learning is that being happy is just not enough. I want to be at peace. I want to be at peace with being a single mother, my career, my finances, my love life, my body, my heart, my mind and my relationship with God. I no longer want to give people my energy in negative situations, attitudes towards their actions which cannot be controlled, and naïve to the lies that are fed to me. Today, I welcome smiling more, and confidence in my own skin. Today, I welcome leadership, growth, maturity, wealth, good health, and unconditional love. Today, I welcome positive vibes, a deaf ear to stupidity, fun, laughter, and joy. I welcome the knowledge of knowing that I cannot control every situation and that I have to give God the chance to help me figure every aspect of my life out. Today, I welcome change!

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Just Enough

Dear Self,

Today was a success! To see the bright, overjoyed smiles on my daughter’s faces was totally worth it. As a single mother, I think that I can be a little hard on myself this time of year. I think the pressure and stress comes from the part of me that feels like I need to show my girls twice the love, give twice the hugs, and shower them with twice the gifts just to make up for the absence of their father’s.  Even though my girls don’t always show how much they miss the presence of their father’s,  their father’s presence is always needed. I worked really hard this year to make sure that my kids got what their hearts desired and my determination to keep that mojo going is at an all time high. This year has made me realize one thing and that is…no matter what state of mind I am in and no matter what I go through I pray that the joy of Christmas and the meaning of Jesus will always and forever be just enough.

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Please don’t Please…

Every morning that I awake I grab my phone to check my text messages and emails (which has become my routine). A while back I subscribed to the Joel Osteen Ministries to receive daily inspirational messages and the message that I received yesterday really spoke to me. It touched on the subject of “People Pleasing”. It stated how in life there are people who try to mold or pressure you into being someone who they want you to be. The reason why this topic touched me is because throughout my teenage years and half of my adulthood I aimed to please everyone I came in contact with. I tolerated friendships and relationships that weren’t suppose to have my energy and I did things that were outside of my character just to fit in. At this point in my life I have grown to realize that you can not, (I repeat) you can not please everyone. If it is not God or my children I no longer care about pleasing you. I’ve learned that you will never win over all of your critics and that if someone really cares for you, they wouldn’t expect you to change who you truly are just to be the right friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, and wife for them. Stay focused on who you are as a person and the goals or purpose that you have set for your life. Acknowledge those that acknowledge you, befriend those who can be beneficial to your life and your circumstance, and still love those who does you harm for they know not what they have done. Just because you free yourself from people pleasing does not mean you have separated yourself from the world, it only means that you have realized your priorities and the importance of self satisfaction. You got this!

 

pleasing

Dear young lady!

Dear Young Nia,

I am writing you this letter because I believe that there are a few misunderstandings as well as acknowledgements that needs to be addressed. For starters, you are one stubborn, yet guarded, but strong young lady and I finally understand why. You went through some situations that you didn’t understand but you still stood tall to face the actions time and time again. You went through your childhood without your father so throughout your teenage years you went searching for love to possibly fill the void of where your father should have been. Being that your mind has been through so much, I know that it is hard for you to really sit and focus on your ambitions and dreams but I assure you that none of your creativity will go to waste. I need you to know that every idea, invention, and creation will be put to use for the sake of your love for “making all things Niaish”. You are destined for greatness but you can’t see that right now because of the situations you’ve faced. Once you learn to gather your thoughts and really act on your ideas with certainty, you will be unstoppable. Next, I want you to know that the love that you once thought would be forever will be just a fling. I need you to be smarter and make wise decisions. Listen to your heart and don’t be a fool. Say no when no is due to avoid hurt and constant worry. Cherish your body and know that you are worth waiting for. Don’t let him make you feel less than what you are because a man that tries to tear you down to make himself look big is not a man. You must value life and stop feeling that killing yourself would solve all your problems. Your life will no longer be your own. You will have to grow up and mature faster than what you expected because you have little eyes watching your every move. It all may seem crazy but one day it will make sense, I promise. Don’t feel bad for not finishing school. You are smart and your degree will not only prove to others that you can commit to something, but it will prove to you that you can commit to something. As you figure out your career, you will go through jobs just to show your strengths and weaknesses but starting your own business is definitely the way to go.  In many ways, your life will feel incomplete and you will lose family and friends that meant a lot to you but this only teaches you the true definition of loyalty. Never question your loyalty to others because you know that when you give your all, it comes from deep within. Unfortunately, the friendships that you thought were real will fail you time and time again. Fortunately, the failure will leave you with many valuable lessons. Your life will be nothing like you originally imagined it to be but I encourage you to count solely on God. You will not be able to get through your trails without him. Don’t be afraid to admit when your wrong and when you are hurt. Keep your faith, uplift your spirit, and compliment yourself. Remain patient and know that everything will work out for your good. When you become well-known from your creativity and style, be humble. If you could see what I see now, I’m sure the decisions that you make would be different. Take your time to live and grow. Accept your journey head on and love your life no matter what. I may not be able to stop a lot of the things that has happened to you but I can definitely assure you that your life will not go to waste. I love you more than you know!

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If It Isn’t Love…

Sometimes I find myself in a daze, day dreaming about love. When will I find it? or better yet, when will it find me? I refuse to be the woman that will date a million men just to find “the one”. What should I do? I know…I could pose half naked in my bed to build my likes (I’m sure I will get dates that way)! No, how about I leave my daughters at home with my mom so that I can go out to the club every weekend (I’m sure I can find a man there)! Truth is…my life is not set up like that. Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging but the women who try extra hard with their makeup or who wear absolutely nothing is what men want the most. They want a trophy, a plastic doll…and I’m sorry I can’t be that. I am too interested in getting my life right with God to be all about you. I am too interested in investing in my girls future than to go out to the club every weekend. And I love and respect myself way too much to pose half naked for strangers that can really care less. If those attributes are the effect of me finding love then I don’t want it! Ya’ll can have! Tell me how it turns out within a year.

degrade

The Kind of Friend

What makes you a real and true friend? This is a question that I should have asked upon meeting a lot of my so called “friends” a long time ago. Let me share my little secret with you…I befriend people too quickly. Blame it on my nice personality. I would give any and everybody the “friend” title just because they were nice to me, or because our conversations were interesting. As I get older and as I go through certain stages in my life, I clearly and quickly learned the difference between a real and true friend vs. a seasonal friend. See, a seasonal friend is someone that enters your life for a short period of time to teach you a lesson, leach off your happiness to pull themselves up, and twist your feelings to make you question your own loyalty. Those are the people that you stay away from. I had to learn that misery loves company and my company is not set up to entertain foolishness. I am the kind of friend that gives 110% to the friendship. If we can’t share experiences together or show empathy for our friendship, then we are not friends. I don’t want a some-timing friendship. You can keep your “it’s my way or the highway” friendship. A real and true friend makes you feel as if the world is conquerable and is willing to conquer it with you no matter what. If you never took heed to anything that I have ever said, trust me on this! Choose your friends wisely, because your friendship is worth way more than just a season.

 

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He’s All Mine

Dear Future husband,

You have been on my mind a lot lately. I can’t stop thinking about your smile, the way that you walk, the smell of your cologne, that haircut that makes you look zaddyish, and your strong arms that you use to hold me with. I love how you put God first then take care of our family as your main priority. You love and respect our daughters as if they are your biological children and that turns me on more than ever. When we go out on dates, you make me feel as if I am the only woman in the world. The attention that you give to me is mind blowing. We joke together as if we are comedians. We cook together as if we are chefs. The experiences that we share is beyond amazing. You complete me. You gave me hope and showed me that love still exists. You assure me everyday that this love will never fade, and baby I am here for it! Your mother adores me and my mother admires you. Life with you is more than what I expected. I love you more than I thought I could. I prayed for a husband like you and God gave me exactly what I prayed for. I never would’ve imagined.

love story